We are a nation facing high unemployment, a lumberingly slow economic recovery, wars on two fronts and the constant threat of terrorism. So let's talk serious about the number one challenge facing America: Vampires.
Vampires have been a part of folklore for centuries, but it took Dracula to make the blood sucker into a character full of charm and sexuality. And that took a lot of Victorian cojones, my friend, to sex-up a creature that sleeps in a dirt-filled coffin and who comes to your room late at night to rip open your carotid artery and lap up the blood.
Since then, it seems, vampires have gotten ever classier, and I for one blame Anne Rice and the whole "Interview With A Vampire" thing for getting us to a point where the work of Stephanie Meyer is acceptable.
Because, let's face it, vampires are dicks. They stand outside your window at all hours of the night, looking pathetic, so you feel like you have to invite them in. And when they do come in, they wreak havoc, ruining your bed sheets because, hey, blood is hard to get out. Then you die. But you're not really dead. Instead you're stuck with pale complexion and have to obey this guy who insists on wearing a stupid-looking cape for all eternity.
So, fuck you, Dracula.
I recently viewed four films in about as many days that interpreted Bram Stoker's 1897 novel, and to be honest, none came close to the crappitude of "Twilight," though it's touch and go with Coppola's 1992 take.
The films
"Nosferatu" or "Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens (Symphony of Horror)" (1922); F.W. Murnau, dir; Henrik Galeen, writer; Starring Max Schreck as Count Orlok, Gustav von Wangenheim as Hutter
"Dracula" (1931); Tod Browning, dir; Hamilton Deane and John L. Balderston, writers, from the play by Garrett Fort, plus several uncredited other writers; Bela Lugosi as Count Dracula.
"Dracula" or "The Horror of Dracula" (1958); Terence Fischer, dir.; Jimmy Sangster, writer; Christopher Lee as Count Dracula, Peter Cushing as Dr. Van Helsing.
"Bram Stoker's Dracula" (1992); Francis Ford Coppola, dir; James V. Hart, writer; Gary Oldman as Count Dracula, Winona Ryder as Mina; Anthony Hopkins as Prof. Abraham Van Helsing; Keanu Reeves as – for some reason – Jonathan Harker.
Viewing experiences
In keeping with Bed Time Movies tradition, I watched these films right before bed. In breaking with tradition, I would finish a film the next day, before moving onto the next, if i fell asleep before finishing. Under these conditions, I found the first first, albeit unauthorized, film based on "Dracula," to be the best.
Technology evolved tremendously since the silent movie era, but it's the strangeness that comes with seeing a silent film, with all it's surreal oddities, in modern times that makes "Nosferatu" so compelling. It's an unsettling work. That Murnau and Galeen set the film in the mid-1800s and used Count Orlok – with his rat-like visage – as an analogy for bubonic plague somehow makes the menace of the vampire feel more immediate, more real.
It's Bela Lugosi's portrayal of a suave and very sexual Count Dracula, however, that will rightfully be forever associated with the character. Lugosi exudes an old-world charm that not even Connery's James Bond can top. This is one suave motherfucker, and no wonder people fall, at least at first, for his ruse.
Christopher Lee is often overshadowed when it comes to 20th Century Dracula lore, which is a shame, but blame the drac-spoliation films in which he starred following his 1958 debut as the character. Lee's Dracula is, pun intended, a towering menace. He's less a scenery chewer, more more business, which makes him a serious threat. "Horror" is a solid film, as is Lee's performance, and here's hoping that legions of Lord of the Rings fans will take a serious look at this film.
Coppola's version is the most visually striking (second only to the 19th Century Germany of "Nosferatu"), going full-bore with shadows that exist out of synch with their owners, and a Renfield who is truly loony tunes. But it falls flat in several crucial regards. If you had to cast Reeves as Harker, why the hell couldn't you change the character to be American, rather than try to make Keanu do an English accent?! Reeves is utterly terrible. The pressed fiberboard furniture in my apartment has better acting chops.
The problem is Drac-o himself. He spends almost all of the film as a huge dick, kidnapping people, killing the crew of the ship transporting his wrinkly ass to England, and turning himself into a wolf-man just to bump nasties with Lucy the Village Slut. He expends countless hours putting the moves on Keanu's wife (an almost equally miscast Ryder) and then, just as she's on the cusp of becoming the next Elvira, he tells her, "Oh, no, baby. I love you too much to turn you into some hideous bat-child!" Whatever. That's him trying to clear his conscious before committing an act of adultery that could last hundreds if not thousands of years – which he does, by the way. Know what, Dracula? If I were Van Helsing, I'd pound a stake right up your immortal ass, you shit-fuck.
Other than that, "Bram Stoker's Dracula" is a fine piece of filmmaking.
Dracapalooza!
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