Movie:
"Carny" (2009) (TV); Sheldon Wilson, director with utmost contempt for viewing audience; Douglas G. Davis, writer who sneezed on keyboard while Microsoft Word was open and called it a script.
Genre:
So bad it's bad
Staring:
The Inevitable Lou "Diamond" Phillips; Alan C. "Lucky" Peterson; Vlasta "Vad-Ass" Vrana
Nodded Off/Nyquil Kicked In Around:
Not soon enough.
Observation/Life Lesson:
The Jersey Devil is real, but is only heard and seen mostly in shadow, as it is so ashamed of its poor rendering and rubberized appearance. "J.D.," as all his hipster friends call him, escapes early in the film from a carnival and apparently terrorizes the locals. Or maybe he just hangs out at Denny's. The first half of "Carny" isn't clear as to what, exactly, is causing the dismemberment of the local pasty-face teen set.
"Carny" also has a conspicuous lack of carnies, instead choosing to populate its carnival atmosphere with tattoo artists, people with giganticism, and Quatto from "Total Recall" fame. It's as if the producers wanted to do "Freaks" but with a sci-fi twist, and failed miserably.
It's obvious director Sheldon Wilson has nothing but bald-faced contemptible hatred for an audience he probably visualizes as a group of rural, low-life stoner hicks, which is a horrible ascertation, considering that some of us live in cities.
Writer Douglas G. Davis is a credit to all writers who envision, yet can't quite execute, having someone lose an eyeball to a monster who is not actually seen. Very impressive, considering he is listed on IMDB as a writer for Blues Clues
Lou Diamond Phillips seems to have resigned himself to the role of Sheriff of a Small Town Threatened By Crappy CGI Monster in films that inevitably wind up on SyFy, USA, or Chill. He already landed a role on Stargate Universe, so you'd think whatever penance he's doing would have been paid by now. The ghost of Richie Valens is probably very disappointed.
"Carny" Twittercast Transcript:
- A carny, in my understanding, is one who runs carnival rides. Ironically, "Carny," so far, has been carny-free.
- about 21 hours ago via Twitterrific
- Lou Diamond Phillips is an inspiration to all those born without an upper lip.
- about 21 hours ago via Twitterrific
- Chase sequence seems to have been choreographed by Benny Hill
- about 21 hours ago via Twitterrific
- Quote of the night (so far): Pasty-faced teen: "Is that a foot?"
- about 21 hours ago via Twitterrific
- Bad news: Jersey Devil has escaped carnival, leaving "cuts, bruises and broken bones." Good news: has only passing resemblence to Snooki.
- about 21 hours ago via Twitterrific
- Half of this film seems to be LDP shaking his head & sighing in mild exasperation
- about 21 hours ago via Twitterrific
- Concerned that the fake-outs seem horribly obvious
- about 21 hours ago via Twitterrific
- "Carny" thus far makes the bold statement "circus freaks are weird"
- about 21 hours ago via Twitterrific
- LDP plays a small town sherif in a low-budget direct-to-DVD horror flick. Big surprise. Yup.
- about 21 hours ago via Twitterrific
- Less than 5 min in & someone's already lost an eye
- about 21 hours ago via Twitterrific
- One of these characters looks like the mutant offspring of Christopher Walkin and Jon Voight
- about 21 hours ago via Twitterrific
- Sad to say "Carny" only reinforces gap-toothed hick/rubber monster stereotype
- about 21 hours ago via Twitterrific
- Lou Diamond Phillips ... Carny ... Carnie Wilson ... Wilson Phillips!!!!!!
- about 21 hours ago via Twitterrific
- Tonight's BTM: Lou Diamond Phillips in "Carny"
- about 22 hours ago via Twitterrific
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